


maybe forever is short for us

by raewrites



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: ?????, M/M, Relationship Study, kirugon too strong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:52:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2679836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raewrites/pseuds/raewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Maybe forever is short for us." Killua whispers one night, breath clouding against the glass of the airship window.</p><p>He hears a long breath escape between Gon’s lips, feels the other rustle against his side, pressing his cheek against Killua’s shoulder, looking distantly at a spot on the ground, contemplating.</p><p>"It’s still forever." He says after a pause, sitting up straighter to face Killua, cheeks puffed out in determination, "It’s still forever, Killua."</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe forever is short for us

**Author's Note:**

> i'm in hell
> 
> sorry for any ?? possible inaccuracies i'm actually only on episode 103
> 
> shout out to rib for introducing me to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qea3lLr5qQ) which i can now ever only associate with kirugon. also that i listened to on repeat while writing this oops
> 
> dedicated to the rest of my burning tl, may we rest in fucking pieces

When he’s twelve, perspective is difficult to encompass, and Gon feels like Killua's whole world rather than a single part of it.  
  
When he’s twelve, he catches himself staring much too often and when he closes his eyes colors wash against the backs of his eyelids, reds and purples and a subtle blackness where the sun used to be, where Gon used to be.  
  
If he concentrates hard enough, he can still feel the press of Gon against his side, where he let his head fall against the ridge of Killua's shoulder and let his eyes flutter closed and breaths even to something vulnerable, something Killua feels radiating off the other boy’s skin like heat, something that feels like trust.  
  
The same something he feels between his own ribs, clutching around his steely heart long before he tore away his chains, allows it to swell within him and manifest itself in easy smiles and absent gazes and bubbling laughs he never knew could surprise him this way.   
  
The same something he feels himself handing over to Gon, a beating, pulsing thing. A ‘handle with care’ safer within his own palm but more fitting within the other’s. The same something he’s been trained to keep hidden within corridors never intended to navigate himself, handed to the sun itself, to wither within its light and be born again from the ashes to something new and completely his.  
  
"I’ll protect you!" he chokes, words outlined in tears and blood, sinking into the earth as his fists clench in front of him, "Because you’re my dear friend!"  
  
And the words seem so small, like such conventional terms of affection could never even begin to describe the same feeling that makes him feel a half of a whole something, makes his heart beat with purpose outside of biological habit.  
  
Killua feels like he’ll need the rest of his life to explain it, to make it attainable, physical in the same way the junctures of Gon’s fingers slot between his own and press his fingertips into the ridges of Killua’s knuckles. In the same way Gon’s fingers curl against the base of Killua’s neck when he pulls him within his gravitational pull, a sun at the center of its own galaxy, an enigma Killua needs more than one lifetime to comprehend in all of its inner workings. In the same way Gon’s lips are clumsy against his own but endearingly earnest and Killua fists a hand in the other’s shirt, memorizing the subtle graze of it between his fingers so he knows it’s all real.  
  
That not only does Gon exist, but he exists with him together within a space they’ve constructed themselves. That Gon feels at home at his side in the same way Killua feels like it’s the only safe place he’s ever known.  
  
That when he feels like running, it’s to Gon and his limitations lie in broken chain links at his feet. That they don’t constrict him anymore, that whatever prophecies presented to him are for him to mend before they have the chance to break apart everything he’s fought to create. The tears cried for those sunshine smiles, the blood shed so his fragile vulnerability may see the light that breaks at dawn, the pain endured for moments beneath distant stars, few and far between but somehow closer in his memory, brighter in his memory that preserves itself everyday in ironically fleeting moments.  
  
Killua remembers the smell of sea-salt, the crash of waves against rocky beaches, the crackling of a bonfire, the silence between them broken up by the sounds of nighttime creatures lying in the fringes of the microcosmic world the two of them solely reside in.  
  
Remembers Gon’s suggestion of traveling the world together, and despite how carefree the other had spoken it against the wind that snatches such fleeting maybes away from conceivable realities, Killua had managed to catch hold of it, keeping it safe in the forefront of his mind, adopting it as his temporary purpose, _‘together’_ his motivation, his driving force.  
  
Killua thinks about small forevers, small infinities that take residence in single moments, years, lives because he’s never been confident in the concept of longevity. That maybe twelve for him is the same as eighty for others. That it isn’t how _long_ one lives, but _how_ one lives and maybe he’s never meant to take up the earth’s time. Never meant to wither out to skin and bones but to go out like a firecracker in a single burst of light and sound that rings in the ears of those nearby before dissipating to already crumbling memory.   
  
"Maybe forever is short for us." Killua whispers one night, breath clouding against the glass of the airship window.  
  
He hears a long breath escape between Gon’s lips, feels the other rustle against his side, pressing his cheek against Killua’s shoulder, looking distantly at a spot on the ground, contemplating.  
  
"It’s still forever." He says after a pause, sitting up straighter to face Killua, cheeks puffed out in determination, "It’s still forever, Killua."   
  
And Killua can read the spaces Gon struggles to fill, who sits biting his lips between his teeth looking for the right words. Killua understands beyond either of their verbal capacities.  
  
"I know.” He breathes, closing his eyes when Gon eventually settles against him again, a familiar warmth.  
  
 _Long or short, forever is still forever if you’re by my side._


End file.
